snide year’s greetings

it’s that time of year when the snide texts fly… this last one, summarizes thirty years of reform and opening not with a bang, but whimper whimper sigh…

新华社发布最新统计数据:三十年来,升值最快地是住房、墓地、乌纱、古玩和公务员;贬值最快地是职称、文凭、道德、诚信和人民币,惟有友情最保值。民族也日趋增多,新增了月光族、打工族、肯老组、蜗居族、蚁族、骗族、隐婚族、闪婚族、傍官族、小三族、还贷族等!奴隶制有复苏苗头,房奴、车奴、卡奴等已出现。

《最新幸福指数》
家里每人病;牢里没亲人;外头没仇人;圈里没小人;看似没情人!

Xinhua Press has released the latest statistics: these past thirty years, housing, graves, bureaucratic positions, antiques, and functionaries have seen the fastest rise in value; titles, diplomas, morality, trust, and the renminbi have seen the sharpest drop in value. The number of ethnicities has also increased daily. We now have people who spend their entire month’s salary, every month; manual laborers; college graduates who live off their parents, people who live like snails [in small, small houses], educated paupers, liars and cheats, married people who don’t tell anyone they’re married, people who suddenly marry, people who live off of functionaries, lovers, and people who live paying off debts. The slave system has begun to rebound and we have house payment slaves, car payment slaves, and credit card slaves.

“Latest indices of happiness”
No one in the family is sick; no one in jail is a relative; outside no one is an enemy; inside one’s circle no one is out to get you; and it appears that you don’t have a lover!

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